My walk that day isn’t long, probably 8-9 miles. A couple of miles before San Gimignano, I see the town’s towers. Neat! I reach the town, check into the hotel, and head directly to the church. I probably spend two hours looking at some of the most vivid and complete set of Biblical frescoes I’ve seen. After getting food at a supermarket, I return to the hotel, eat my food, write in my journal, and turn out the lights.

I wake up. It’s not even 4AM yet. I say to myself “you are feeling envy!” Somewhere in my unconscious, I’ve made some connections. While I’m paying for an expensive hotel room, where’s the free sparkling water bottle? Nowhere! I’m envious of those who receive free water in their hotels or BnBs. Supposedly, I’m paying for a balcony with a view of the Tuscany hillside. Yet, I can’t seem to open the balcony door and my view is barely ten feet wide. I have a good view of the sides of my hotel and the building next door, but that is it. I’m envious of others who in a few hours will be lounging on their balcony drinking cool water, or maybe some morning coffee, enjoying the beautiful Tuscany hills in the morning. While I am normally proudly non-envious, I’m feeling raw envy!

I start making other associations. I realize that I can be a glutton. I did enjoy my supermarket sandwich and the Chianti wine. But, did I have to buy the largest bag of potato chips and eat them all? I didn’t even enjoy the last couple of handfuls! Here I am gorging myself on potato chips in “food-paradise” Italy! What a glutton! A cheap glutton! A selective glutton!

I make another association. I think of the day that I’m walking to a church. An African approaches me “Buy these rosary beads?” I shake my head and keep walking. “I’m from Sudan. Awful there. Will you help me?” Again, I shake my head. Back in the states, I have a general way of handling such occurrences. I only rarely give money directly to a person like this as I’m concerned how it will actually be used. Back in the states, I can say “There is a church a couple of blocks down this road. They’ll assist you.” Here, I haven’t a clue. I don’t know if the local church or priest provides any help at all. Do I pause, and try to figure out how this person might find help? Nope. In a way, I’m indifferent, lazy. I’m quite capable of rationalizing my sloth.

Why is my mind acting like this early in the morning? Well, inside the original main entrance to the San Gimignano church are two scenes. On one side of the arched ceiling, the heavenly Christ is being worshiped by men and women; on the other arched ceiling is the contrasting, mimicking figure of Satan. He too is surrounded by figures, but rather than worshiping figures, these figures are “getting their just punishments.” More specifically, compared to other church’s more general Last Judgment scenes, this scene centers explicitly upon the judgements concerning the Seven Deadly Sins.

With their Latin terms, the artist paints scenes showing pride, envy, wrath, gluttony, lust, sloth, and greed. While Pope Gregory I in 590 CE made the list official church teaching, previous Christian and non-Christian thinkers condemned these “vices” in preceding centuries. Take a look at the photos. The message is clear. Avoid these forms of life, or else!

As for my 4 AM feelings and associations, I’m not going to be emotionally disabled. I’m not going to find a priest, make confession, and receive forgiveness. I’m not interested in turning to a Christian internet site which explains how to handle envy, gluttony, or sloth.

However, I am struck by their random, almost sneaky entrance while I’m still half-asleep, into my consciousness. I’m struck by their emotional message: something isn’t quite right. Im struck that somewhere I’m telling myself: “Look at your feelings, your actions, your inaction. What is going on here?” A self- judgment appearing at night in this half-hidden manner rather than during the day in a clearly conscious manner.

There is no filtering at 4AM. Maybe that is somewhat similar to those ancient writers who seem not to filter their feelings about themselves. Again, the words occur in a different context, but the ancient writer writes:

“My wounds fester and are loathsome because of my sinful folly. I am bowed down and brought very low; all day long I go about mourning. My back is filled with searing pain; there is no health in my body. I am feeble and utterly crushed; I groan in anguish of heart….” Pretty intense, unfiltered language.

Slow walking allows all sorts of experiences, experiences with a certain separated frequency. At home, experiences come one after another. So many experiences each day. Here, the experiences don’t crash into each other so rapidly. The experiences get drawn out; they linger; they resurface even at 4AM. At a minimum, walking allows for some self-revelation, even in ways that are a tad-bit surprising.

What about envy, gluttony, and sloth? In a way, I’m glad to see that I’m aware of their uninvited presence. I’m also glad to see that they don’t define me.

Also, I guess that I should pay attention to other types of church frescoes and paintings! Maybe time to see more of those cute, baby cherubs. Maybe modern paintings of Franciscan Friars having fun. Or, if Randy, Jack, or Al read this, more of the guitar and banjo angels accompanying Mary in her Assumption!